So long and something to look forward to in 2021

So as many of you know I'm going to be becoming a dad this fall and so I am going to be stepping back from this movie blog business for a while, perhaps indefinitely. I am so grateful to the people who read this and indulged me (and my typos, I do NOT proofread these). In recent years, I'd had a lot less time to be thoughtful about what I am posing. I always try to get in 10 a month and some are more productive than others. But I've mostly enjoyed doing it and I hope people have not minded reading it, or having it pop up repeatedly in their feeds.

Before I go I thought I'd do one more of my little lists -- this one will be the ten movies (in no particular order) I am most looking forward to seeing as we finish out this calendar year and the movies (slowly) start to come back to normal again.

House of Gucci - The trailer looks campy as hell, and I'm not sure I am sold on Jared Leto playing an Italian, but Lady Gaga looks incredible in this stacked cast biopic (Adam Driver and Al Pacino are in it too!) about a real life story I know little about. Director Ridley Scott can be very hit or miss, but a period movie set in world of fashion feels like it's very much in his wheelhouse.

Ghostbusters: Afterlife - I love the nostalgic vibes this movie's trailers have evoked and it's a genuine thrill to the see the Ecto-1 back in action, as well as what looks like (aside from some dicey CGI mini marshmallow men) more practical effects than the 2014 reboot. My one question mark is whether this film is a comedy like the originals, since there isn't a single laugh line any of the footage I've seen so far.

The French Dispatch - Wes Anderson movies are pretty much always an event for me and I'm excited for his return to live action moviemaking. This one looks to be perhaps his most ambitious yet, juggling multiple storylines and both color and black & white cinematography. Familiar Anderson faces like Bill Murray and Frances McDormand are joined by intriguing newcomers like Jeffrey Wright and Bencio Del Toro. I am very curious about how this one is going to turn out.

Soggy Bottom - Very little is known about this upcoming film from P.T. Anderson. It's set in the '70s, stars Bradley Cooper and the son of the late frequent Anderson collaborator Philip Seymour Hoffman, and is reportedly about an aspiring child actor. But Anderson has never struck out for me and just may be the most inventive, iconoclastic filmmaker working today. Phantom Thread was such an advance for his craftsmanship that I'm excited to see if he can top it.

Last Night In Soho - I'm not as obsessive an Edgar Wright disciple as some people (for instance, I think Scott Pilgrim is just ok). Still, this horror-thriller about switching identities and realities (?) starring Anya Taylor Joy, looks stylish, unpredictable and wholly original. Here's another filmmaker who is interested in shaking things up and honing his own signature style and I am here for it.

Halloween Kills - I loved the Danny McBride scripted first reboot and while I'm a little skeptical that he and director David Gordon Green can strike lightning twice, I am intrigued by the fact that the original's director John Carpenter has already christened this movie perhaps the greatest slasher film of all time. Certainly happy to see Jamie Lee Curtis back in action and for the mythology around these movies to continue to grow.

The Tragedy of MacBeth - Joel Coen is working for the first time solo here without his brother Ethan and he is curiously adapting one of Shakespeare's most iconic plays. I am thrilled to see that he is teaming up with Denzel Washington, who's been slumming it in a lot of B-movies recently. And he is going to be acting opposite another powerhouse in Joel's wife Frances McDormand. Early buzz for this project is great, and if nothing else is promises to be a visual tour de force.

Candyman - The original is probably one of the best, most enduring horror films of the '90s and this new version seems like it my just top it. It looks incredible, has a great cast of up and comers and appears to be a fresh take on the monster movie's mythos. I love that Jordan Peele tapped a protege to breathe new life into this franchise. I just hope the movie lives up to it's killer trailer.

Dune - For decades Hollywood has struggled to bring this classic sci-fi tale to the big screen (David Lynch's 1984 version is a fascinating dud) and with Denis Villenueve, they may have found the perfect filmmaker to do it. He's assembled perhaps the year's most impressive cast, come up with what looks like a peerless array of special effects and it appears he also gets the themes of the book down too. It'd be a travesty to watch this one streaming at home.

No Time to Die - The movie I can't wait to see more than any other -- Daniel Craig's James Bond is finally come back for one more go-round (Spectre was a solid, but not spectacular enough finale for his run) and if this trailer's are any indication, this looks to be as compelling and mind blowing as Casino Royale and Skyfall were. I am frustrated by all the delays, but I am also convinced that this one will be worth the wait.

Athletes can act! (sometimes): My fav sports star turns

Right off the bat, some caveats. I am not counting professional wrestlers -- I am not saying they're not athletes -- but I think it's fair to admit that there's an element of theatricality in what they do already, which means I'm not going to count The Rock, Dave Bautista and Andre the Giant.

I also am omitting Arnold Schwarzenegger, who was a professional body builder but who I wouldn't call an athlete in the traditional sense. And he's just a whole other phenomenon. I am thinking mainstream pro sports stars who gave committed, legit performances (sometimes as themselves) in a movie.

I am doing this because LeBron James just stumbled hard with his Space Jam movie and well, athletes acting in movie is just kind of in the ether right now.

So in no particular order...

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in Airplane! - Jabbar always had a reputation for being sullen and standoffish, which is part of why he is such a surprising, deadpan presence in this smash comedy film. He plays a heightened version of himself and gets an opportunity to vent vicariously against his critics in a scene opposite a precocious kid. Honorable mention to his brief cameo in Fletch, his epic fight scene with Bruce Lee in Game of Death and his appearance on this year's season of Dave. Clearly, he is not as serious as he seems.

Jim Brown in Fingers - The NFL legend is brooding, brilliant and scary as intimidating ladies man in James Toback's violent, semi-autobiographical character study starring Harvey Keitel. Brown's brutal, sexually imposing character is not-so-loosely based on Brown's real-life off-screen persona. Toback was briefly a live-in roommate of his and the two chased women together for a period.

Jim Bouton in The Long Goodbye - Hardly a household name, Bouton, a Major League Baseball player became semi-infamous for his tell-all book Ball Four, which exposed some of the less flattering behind the scenes antics of locker room culture. In Robert Altman's riff on the noir film, he plays a shady character who betrays Elliott Gould's hero and meets a jarring fate in the finale. He died recently and I wish he'd acted more, he was a natural.

Ray Allen in He Got Game - As Denzel Washington's son in director Spike Lee's ode to basketball, as well as fathers and sons, Allen more than holds his own. He's a solid, naturalistic presence and he inspires some of Denzel's most underrated work. It's an epic, emotional film and it wouldn't work if Allen weren't so sympathetic and genuine.

Kevin Garnett in Uncut Gems - Garnett was such a pleasant surprise in this Safdie Brothers masterpiece. He'd been recently retired and here he was playing a version of himself circa 2012. He was subtle, funny and unflappable, even while sharing the screen opposite a never-better Adam Sandler. I don't know if this is a one-off or if he ever intends to do more, but he's more than capable. 

Carl Weathers in Rocky - Although Weather is far better known for his acting career, he did have a legit career in the NFL before making the leap. He's had a pretty prolific career -- most recently co-starring in and directing episodes of The Mandolorian, but he'll probably always be best known for his larger-than-life Apollo Creed character, which rises above caricature on the strength of his charisma.

Randall 'Tex' Cobb in Raising Arizona - I had no idea Randall Cobb was ever an athlete, I just knew him as a tough guy heavy from the movies, but he was a professional boxer. He once took a beating so bad from Larry Holmes that he turned broadcaster Howard Cosell off boxing forever. But his performance in Raising Arizona, as a grim tracker is truly iconic and hilariously funny.

Bernie Casey in Sharky's Machine - Casey's another NFL player turned blaxploitation star. He would go on to a bevy of supporting roles in comedy and action films, but Burt Reynolds gave him one of his greatest roles and a veteran detective. He has a powerful monologue in the film, which he nearly steals, and he has a surprisingly haunting presence throughout.

Fred Williamson in M*A*S*H - Williamson had a storied career during the blaxploitation era, but probably his most nuanced role was in Robert Altman's breakthrough war film. As Spearchucker Jones, he did the most with limited screen time, utilizing his own background as a NFL player to play a ringer (but also a surgeon) for a Korean war medical unit.

Keith Hernandez in Seinfeld - This is a bit of cheat, since it's TV, but I was always so amused by the episode where the Mets legend played an arrogant version of himself opposite Julia Louis Dreyfuss' Elaine Benes. They had very funny chemistry, and while no professional actor, he proved he could hang with some real comedy heavy hitters.

'Old' is very silly and the prototypical Shyamalan film

You've to hand it to M Night Shyamalan. He's really hung around and maintained a brand despite many box office and critical bombs. I have disliked most of his movies and yet I can't deny the man has skills. And when the material is right -- say Unbreakable or The Sixth Sense -- there's greatness in him.

Old is sort of a maddening movie because it shows flashes of what he can do very well but also includes some of his most obnoxious tendencies. It's based on a graphic novel and I do wonder if it's better, since there are some interesting, compelling ideas under the surface of this movie. But subtlety is not his strong suit.

Right from the jump the movie is presenting you with exposition that screams -- this will pay off later. A precocious kid runs around asking characters what their names are and what their occupations are. And repeatedly throughout the film these same adults announce their character traits and professions too, as if the audience will forget. 

I once heard someone argue that Christopher Nolan makes a stupid person's version of a smart movie but I disagree. I think Nolan's films are pretty damn smart. It's Shyamalan who's aiming for the cheap seats. And as ludicrous as Old frequently is, it's pretty damn entertaining -- and that puts it head and shoulders above dreck like Glass.

Some credit should go to the cast which has to deliver some incredibly laughable, wooden dialogue and really get put through the paces. It's a real ensemble piece, and no one really stands out, but no one shits the bed either like Jaden Smith in After Earth.

And there are some effectively creepy sequences considering that almost all the action takes place on a non-descript sunlit beach. Like a lot of his recent work, this was a relatively low budget affair, so it'll probably make a profit, which might explain why Shyamalan keeps getting opportunities to step up the plate.

And audiences seem to have gotten hipper about consuming his work. You know there's going to be a twist and that it's going to be really insane -- and this one is -- but hopefully you'll be entertained getting there. 

It's a mixed bag. For every genuinely amusing or thrilling moment there's film geek masturbation (one character's dementia leads him to trying to remember the name of The Missouri Breaks) and cheesy racial humor (there's a rapper character named, I'm not kidding, Mid-Sized Sedan), so I was rolling my eyes just as much as I was biting my nails.

But here's the thing -- the movie is audacious. It flirts with being powerful, only to overplay its hand. But I appreciate its originality and its cinematic flair. Shyamalan really knows how to craft a shot and to deliver a solid jolt.

I just wish he had a collaborator who could do a polish on his writing. His ego is clearly enormous (hence his constant wink wink casting of himself) but he's limited and Old might just go down as the prototypical Shyamalan film, for better or worse.

Performers who the MCU should cast if they haven't already

Watching Loki, I was stunned by how many top tier actors have been scooped up by the Marvel Universe. Whether it be veteran stars like Owen Wilson or up-and-coming performers like Lovecraft Country's Wunmi Mosaku. Even the recent Black Widow is stuffed with Oscar nominees and winners like Rachel Weisz and Florence Pugh.

The behemoth franchise has revitalized the careers of actors like Robert Downey, Jr., codified the stardom of actors like Michael B. Jordan and cast some stars in a whole new light (I'm thinking Kathryn Hahn's scene stealing turn in WandaVision)

And yet, there are still more actors who are like low hanging fruit for this cinematic universe who I think it'd be a mistake for the Marvel folks to overlook ... 

Cecily Strong - I have long thought she is the most under-appreciated star on SNL. She's incredibly versatile -- as evidenced by her wonderful work on the new Apple TV series Schmigadoon, and in the same way that's been refreshing to see Julia Louis-Dreyfuss start to show up in movies like these, there has been a real lack of humor in the women's roles in Marvel movies. She could easily upend that.

Bob Odenkirk - His brilliant work in Better Call Saul has completely re-shaped his image in the minds of audiences but nothing prepared me for how badass he would be in the movie Nobody, a slam bang, John Wick-esque action epic. I see him as being either a really good villain or an unconventional hero, either way, he would step the game up of any of his co-stars.

Issa Rae - She certainly has the look of a superhero -- and women of color have by and large been woefully underrepresented in Marvel. Sure there's Zoe Saldana (covered by green make-up) in the Guardians films, Tessa Thompson popped up in Thor Ragnarok and, of course, Black Panther has an embarrassment of riches but hell, it's still not enough.

Trevante Rhodes - Speaking of looking like a superhero, this guy is like central casting. After I saw him in Moonlight, I assumed this ripped, stunning specimen would be all over the big screen but he has yet to have another breakout role and hasn't worked as consistently as I expected. It's as if Hollywood is like biased or something? Anyways it's a crime that he hasn't turned up as a big screen Luke Cage or something!

Beanie Feldstein & Kaitlyn Dever - The two lovable stars of one of the most underrated comedies of the past decade, Booksmart, would be a welcome and unconventional star presence in a Marvel movie in any capacity. It'd be cool if they were a duo since they have such phenomenal chemistry but whatever works, just get these ladies more screen-time Marvel!

Jennifer Lopez - Hustlers proved that Jennifer Lopez has a lot in the tank as actress, and it's kind of crazy that she never has been in a superhero franchise. It just seems like a massive oversight given her movie star persona and impressive work ethic. Again, I have no idea who she should play but it doesn't matter, just get her in one of these movies (and away from Ben Affleck),

Jason Segal - After making a big splash with big comedies like Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Muppets and I Love You Man, Segal went more of the indie route and hasn't been quite as ubiquitous as some of the other Apatow boys over the years. He certainly doesn't fit the profile of a superhero type (even though he's an enormous guy) but I could see him getting a makeover Paul Rudd/Chris Pratt style.

Javier Bardem - He's always unpredictable and riveting in almost everything he does, and he proved in Skyfall that he can really deliver a knockout performance in a big budget franchise picture, and of course, his work in No Country for Old Men is peerless. He doesn't show up in enough movies.

Julianne Moore - With the exception of The Big Lebowski, this veteran actress rarely gets to play 'fun' roles and it would be interesting to get to see her do something a little more silly and goofy for a change. She's easily one of our greatest living actresses and she's earned the right to do some scenery chewing. Just don't cast her as someone's mom like you did with Rene Russo.

Denzel Washington - He's spent a career avoiding these kinds of movies (he's only made one sequel ever) which is precisely why if he showed up in say, Black Panther 2 (fingers crossed), it would be such a big deal. I don't know if he would ever do it, he's well into his 60s now and he may not want to go full Liam Neeson, but I think he'd be fun as a bad guy in this universe.

'Black Widow' won't resuscitate big screen Marvel universe

Because Avengers: Endgame has such a fitting finale feel to it, the Marvel movies that have come in its wake have felt a little bit rudderless. It took several movies to build up to Thanos and the stakes for that movie could not be higher. And so the events of Spider-Man: Far From Home and now Black Widow, feel quaint by comparison.

Black Widow is of course, too little too late -- Scarlett Johansson's superspy character is finally getting her own film but after she has already perished in the timeline of the Marvel movies. So it's a little weird watching -- an admittedly well-made -- action thriller where the tension is somewhat diffused by the fact we know she lives for a few more movies.

This one takes place between (if you can remember it) Captain America: Civil War and Avengers: Infinity War. It plays like a bit of a hopped up Bourne movie -- with some real rock 'em sock 'em action scenes that are exciting if a bit chaotic and absurd. Johansson and her sister (played by a scene-stealing Florence Pugh) are supposedly human beings and yet the amount of pain they endure and shrug off is insane.

But, this is after all, a comic book movie and it's definitely trying to be a little different than its predecessors, which I appreciate. But It also feels like a movie without a purpose. Johansson can be very effective actress with the right material and she was a likable presence in past Avengers movies but she's a little too mopey here. She doesn't have the same sense of play she brought to other Marvel projects.

The real find here is Pugh who proves yet again that she is one of the more exciting young stars working today. Saddled with a Russian accent which could have totally tanked her performance, she has the pluck and charisma you want Johansson's titular character to have. 

Pugh is not only believable in the action scenes but she is credible in the dramatic ones, too. Clearly, this will not be the last of her in the MCU and I'm here for it.

The Marvel TV shows have proven that some of the more tertiary characters can have more life to them than we might have imagined, but I am not sure that Black Widow does. She's haunted, ok -- but what else is there to this character or this story?

I still don't get why she doesn't have a Russian accent. And in retrospect, while I always like her, she was usually used to bring out character elements in the other Avengers -- think her playful relationship with Captain America or aborted romance with The Hulk.

Here, after a bravura opening sequence, we're treated to a bit of a soggy family melodrama with little bits of intrigue. It's different for sure than most Marvel fare, but is it better -- no. Perhaps this year's upcoming Eternals will be the game-changer these kinds of movies need. They certainly are attracting terrific actors, although Rachel Weisz is totally wasted (today brought news that the brilliant Michaela Coel of I May Destroy You will be in the Black Panther sequel) now they just need the material to match.

There is already griping about the movie's supposed under-performance -- but really there's no telling how much COVID and the fact that the movie can be purchased at home via Disney Plus (which is what I did) hurt the box office. I think that this film just isn't quite special enough to get butts back in the seats. It's ok, just not great. But that shouldn't deter Marvel from experimenting with unconventional leads or unconventional stories.

Flashback 1971: My favorite movies from 50 years ago

Arguably '70s cinema didn't really kick off in earnest until 1971, sure there were game-changers like M*A*S*H in 1970, but cinema certainly took on an even darker edge in the following year, where a series of nihilistic, violent movies made a tremendous splash both critically and commercially. 

Even the year's Best Picture winner -- The French Connection -- was a nasty crime thriller where the hero was an unhinged bigot. Many of the movies on my list would certainly have been controversial then and now, and are deeply problematic -- but they're also powerful, which is why they're here.

Without any more yapping, here is my top 10 from 50 years ago:

Here are my top 10 from '71...

10) Harold & Maude - It took me a little longer to warm up to this movie than most people but once I got on its wavelength I came to appreciate it for the surprisingly touching romance it is. I think the movie works because of Bud Cort and Ruth Gordon, who give wonderful performances and really sell a concept that could have been gimmicky and give it genuine heart.

9) McCabe & Mrs. Miller - Robert Altman's bleak and moody take on the western provides Warren Beatty and Julie Christie with two of their best roles. An episodic, atmospheric revisionist work that like many great Altman films succeeds by doing the unexpected. And it has a devastating ending that makes everything that proceeded it more compelling.

8) The Last Picture Show - An interesting experiment in combining nostalgia for a certain kind of classic American small town drama with some pointed nods to explicit sexuality and modern reality. Director Peter Bogdanovich made several good movies over the years, but I still think this ranks as his best and least affected.

7) Straw Dogs - One of the most infamous and polarizing movies on this list because of its ambiguous treatment of sexual assault, but if you have a stomach for it, it's one director Sam Peckinpah's best and most provocative movies. Dustin Hoffman plays a nebbish professor who moves to a rural town on the English countryside with his bombshell wife (a brilliant Susan George), who quickly becomes a target for some local brutes. I won't spoil it but the ending is one of the most balls out ferocious ones you'll ever see. 

6) Klute - My favorite Jane Fonda performance. Here she plays a complex call girl caught up in the hunt for a demented serial killer. She is totally credible and vulnerable in the role and has great chemistry with leading man Donald Sutherland, who plays a modest, more reserved police officer. The movie is named after his character but it really is Fonda's film. Her big scene opposite the killer is one of the most gut wrenching bits of acting I've ever seen.

5) Dirty Harry - The movie that started it all is a little more skeptical of its fascist hero Harry Callaghan. He's definitely from the shoot first, ask questions later school -- which is deeply problematic -- but his cat and mouse pursuit of a killer based on the Zodiac as pretty riveting and irresistible. This was the star turn that really solidified Eastwood's persona as a big screen superstar and is yet another impressive entry from genre film director Don Siegel.

4) Carnal Knowledge - This film about sexuality and male insecurity was such a scandalous project it literally led to a Supreme Court ruling on obscenity. Strangely overlooked and forgotten today, it contains one of Jack Nicholson's greatest roles and established Ann Margaret as so much more than just a sex symbol. Director Mike Nichols has a very hit and miss filmography but this should rank among his very best.

3) The French Connection - Based on a true story, virtually every buddy cop crime movie that followed owes it a debt. Today, it's best remembered for it's still badass centerpiece chase scene -- but it also features one of Gene Hackman's greatest performances as the dogged and ultimately deranged NYC detective Popeye Doyle. This film made him an unlikely movie star at 40 and turned William Friedkin into one of the decade's hottest directors.

2) A Clockwork Orange - Even Stanley Kubrick himself was concerned about the way this truly black comedy would be received since its portrayal of ultraviolence and toxic masculinity is so vivid that some people might take the film's intentions the wrong way. It is very much a satire and a bit of a horror film, too. Probably the most experimental of Kubrick's masterpiece period.

1) Get Carter - A sexy, stylish, funny and freewheeling British gangster movie, with arguably Michael Caine's coolest performance if not his best (although I think I'd say that, too). It's a pretty classic revenge movie with all sorts of interesting little flourishes, a great soundtrack and lots of swinging British 'tude. A personal favorite of mine that I revisit regularly.

PAST TOP 10 FAVORITE LISTS

1970 #1 movie - M*A*S*H

1974 #1 movie - The Godfather Part II

1975 #1 movie - Nashville

1976 #1 movie - Taxi Driver

1977 #1 movie - Star Wars

1978 #1 movie - The Deer Hunter

1979 #1 movie - The Jerk

1981 #1 movie - Thief

1980 #1 movie - The Shining

1984 #1 movie - Ghostbusters

1985 #1 movie - Fletch

1986 #1 movie - Blue Velvet

1987 #1 movie - The Untouchables

1988 #1 movie - Coming to America

1989 #1 movie - Batman

1990 #1 movie - The Grifters

1991 #1 movie - Cape Fear

1994 #1 movie - Pulp Fiction

1995 #1 movie - Heat

1996 #1 movie - Fargo

1997 #1 movie - Boogie Nights

1998 #1 movie - The Big Lebowski

1999 #1 movie - Eyes Wide Shut

2000 #1 movie - Nurse Betty

2001 #1 movie - The Royal Tenenbaums

2004 #1 movie - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

2005 #1 movie - A History of Violence

2006 #1 movie - Casino Royale

2007 #1 movie - There Will Be Blood

2008 #1 movie - The Wrestler

2009 #1 movie - Inglourious Basterds

2010 #1 movie - The Social Network

2011 #1 movie - Drive

'Space Jam: A New Legacy' is an exasperating disaster

The eagerly anticipated reboot, Space Jam: A New Legacy, makes the disappointing Ready Player One feel like a grounded masterpiece, and that's really saying something. Not unlike that movie, it's basically a 2-hour advertisement for Warner Brother's intellectual property, but it's even less subtle and more cynical than I could have possibly imagined for a money grab like this.

Not only does the film routinely name drop the name of its iconic studio, but it literally repurposes footage from old films to serve its relatively incomprehensible 'narrative.' In theory this could have been handled in a fun or thoughtful way but instead it's a never-ending stream of lame punchlines and references (M.C. Hammer, in 2021, really!?) that will be lost on certainly most young viewers.

The main attraction here should be LeBron James, the rare superstar athlete who is also likable, engaging and can be effective on camera -- but he is pretty much lost in this insanely overstuffed and seizure inducing movie. He's playing himself again, just like he did more successfully in the comedy Trainwreck, but unlike in that movie he's a humorless scold here -- when he's allowed to have a personality at all -- and he's saddled with a tired subplot as a dad whose too domineering when it comes to his son.

When he's not in animated form, he's left to deliver stilted dialogue abut fundamentals and 'putting in work' -- I was stunned that he didn't have a single line that made me smile or even chuckle. Is he a better, more natural actor than Michael Jordan, sure, but he's terribly served by this movie.

Meanwhile, a number of other celebs -- including slumming Oscar nominee Steven Yeun -- pop up for thankless roles that I suppose they accepted as a favor for LeBron? Worst of all is the great Don Cheadle, delivering perhaps his worst performance as the mustache twirling villain -- unbelievably named Al G. Rhythm.  Some of the broadness of the acting here is arguably forgivable in a kids movie but compared to Pixar films or a movie like Spider-Man Into the Spider-Verse that actually have a narrative, this is an abomination. Even it's attempts to be meta and in on the joke (LeBron tries to pre-empt criticism of his performance with a line about athletes acting 'never goes well') fall terribly flat.

It's impossible to even appreciate the animation since everything on screen is an assault on your senses. There's a video game element that leads all sort of digital chaos on the screen and worst of all -- the 'crowd' attending the interminable big game finale -- is comprised entirely of overacting extras playing characters from the Warner Brothers catalogue -- even ones as incongruous as the killer clown from It and white walkers from Game of Thrones.

Who is this even for!?

I don't have a ton of special reference for the original. I was already aged out of its core audience when it came out in 1996, but this new iteration makes that one seem quaint and innocent by comparison. Both were product placement machines. Both cheapened the appeal of the great Warner Brothers cartoon characters (they're just annoying here, not even a little funny). But this one feels more exasperating and exhausting. Literally, at one point I paused it to see how much more was left and was appalled to realize i still had 35 MINUTES to go.

And there was still an embarrassing 'rap battle' sequence featuring Porky Pig still to go.

Luckily, I watched this at home on HBO Max and if you're temped to see it -- either because you love LeBron, or you have nostalgia for the original or like me just wanted to see if it was a bad as everyone is saying it is (it is) -- you should definitely at least skip seeing it in a theater. I hate to say this because I am a big LeBron fan -- but I want this movie to fail so they never make another one like it.