'Fifty Shades of Grey' is a triumph of marketing if nothing else

A surprisingly chaste ad campaign

Despite claims that film criticism is a dying art, there are still very few films released in mainstream movie theaters that are totally critic-proof.

Sure, most moviegoers don't read in-depth about films before they see them -- a recommendation from a friend or a solid Rotten Tomatoes score will often do.

And yet there are some franchises -- and some products (the Star Wars prequels and sequels, for instance) -- that will be a hit just because of the sheer force of their marketing campaigns.

Fifty Shades of Grey is that kind of movie.

This movie will open huge on Valentine's Day, and not because it's any good. In fact, almost everyone I know, including yours truly, suspect it will be laughably bad, if for no other reason than that novel apparently was and the trailer doesn't suggest that the movie is much of an improvement.

Still, almost everyone I know wants to see it, even if just to make fun of it -- which is kind of amazing.

Although some movie phenomenons grow tiresome to me -- I've never been a Hunger Games guy and I've already explained why American Sniper's runaway success doesn't sit well with me -- there is something extra special about "the zeitgeist movie."

One of the trailer's few revealing moments

Movies like Fifty Shades of Grey start a conversation (think Indecent Proposal), they create enormous buzz and they keep people entertained. I don't expect to like the movie, but at least it's about human beings and not Marvel superheroes, although if what I hear about the story is to be believed, these human beings are no less cartoonish.

And above all I am impressed with how genius this movie's roll out has been. The Valentine's Day release date is cynical in the extreme -- but it will work. The use of the slow jam Beyonce song on the soundtrack -- brilliant. Using relative unknowns instead of established stars was a slick move, as was showing very little of the titillating sex scenes. And the movie's tag line -- "Curious?" -- is a masterstroke.

Because I must admit I am curious. I have only read excerpts of the source material, and like many people I was shocked by how astonishing awful the writing is. The fact that the material's inspiration was Twilight fan fiction isn't doing anyone any favors either.

And yet, I feel like if I don't see it I will be missing out on a major cultural moment -- which is probably how all the millions of people who bought the best-selling book that inspired the movie felt. According to an interview with the author I saw yesterday on msnbc, I learned that at least two copies of the book are being bought per second. That's insane. That's not a piece of literature, that's a commodity.

I've watched as the book became a lightning rod for both feminists, the BSDM community and just fans of quality writing everywhere. And I anticipate that the movie will be just as polarizing, if not more. We need movies like this every once and while. They're stupid and fun and they liven up a usually lame time of year for the movies.